Introducing a realistic dildo into your partnered sex life isn’t about replacing anyone; it’s about adding a new dimension to your shared pleasure. It can be a powerful tool for exploration, intimacy, and breaking out of routine. Here’s how to approach it thoughtfully and joyfully.
Step 1: Starting the Conversation (The How and When)
The key to a positive experience is open, judgment-free communication.
* Frame it as an Enhancement, Not a Replacement: This is the most important point. Phrase your interest in a way that focuses on shared adventure. Use “we” language.
Instead of: “I want to use a dildo.”
Try: “I was thinking about ways we could spice things up and explore new sensations together. What would you think about trying a toy designed for couples?”
* Choose the Right Moment: Don’t bring it up right before or during sex. Choose a relaxed, neutral time when you’re both comfortable and not distracted.
* Connect it to Mutual Benefits: Mention specific benefits that might appeal to your partner:
“It could take the pressure off and let us last longer.”
“I read it can be amazing for hands-free stimulation during oral sex.”
“I think it could be really hot to use it in a strap-on for role-play.”
* Listen: Be open to your partner’s feelings, questions, or hesitations. Validate their perspective and move at a pace comfortable for you both.
Step 2: Choosing the Right Toy Together
Making the selection a collaborative activity builds anticipation and ensures everyone’s needs are met.
* Browse Together: Look at online stores from reputable retailers. Read descriptions and reviews aloud. This makes it a shared project.
* Key Features for Couples:
Harness-Compatible Base: Essential for pegging or strap-on play. Ensure the base is flared to fit securely in an O-ring.
Suction Cup Base: Fantastic for hands-free use on a headboard or wall, allowing both partners to be involved in other ways.
Dual-Density Silicone: Highly recommended for its realistic feel, which can be more psychologically appealing and physically comfortable for the receiving partner.
* Involve Your Partner in Decisions: Ask for their opinion on size, color, and style. This gives them a sense of ownership and investment in the experience.
Step 3: How to Incorporate It Into Partnered Play
There are countless ways to enjoy a realistic dildo as a couple. Here are a few ideas to get you started:
During Oral Sex: The giving partner can use the dildo on the receiving partner simultaneously. This provides dual stimulation and can be incredibly intense.
Double Penetration: A dildo can be used to provide a feeling of double penetration vaginally or anally, either held by a partner or used with a harness alongside their own body.
“Tag-Teaming” or Extended Play: The dildo can be used to continue penetrative play after one partner has orgacontinue, allowing the sexual experience to last longer.
Pegging: This act of a woman penetrating a male partner anally with a strap-on is a profound form of role-reversal that can build incredible intimacy, trust, and vulnerability. For many couples, it’s a deeply connecting experience.
Overcoming Challenges: It’s a wonderful, pressure-free solution for times when one partner is not in the mood for penetration, is experiencing erectile dysfunction, or is recovering from medical issues.
Step 4: Creating a Positive and Intimate Experience
Set the Mood: Treat the first time like a special occasion. Create a relaxing, erotic atmosphere with low lighting, music, and no time pressures.
Go Slow: Start with what feels comfortable. Perhaps just have the toy in the room the first time, or use it as part of foreplay without a specific goal.
Focus on the Receiver, but Involve the Giver: The partner using the toy should communicate constantly: “How does this feel?” “Do you like this angle?” The act should be a shared, interactive experience, not a performance.
Lube is Your Best Friend: Use more lubricant than you think you need. This ensures comfort and smooth sensation for everyone involved.
Debrief Afterwards: Afterward, cuddle and talk about the experience. What did you both enjoy? What would you like to try differently next time? This reinforces communication and builds excitement for future play.
Addressing Common Concerns
“Will it replace me?” Reassure your partner that the toy is a tool, not a replacement. Its purpose is to add to your shared pleasure, not subtract from your connection. Your intimacy, touch, and presence are irreplaceable.
“It might feel awkward.” It might at first! That’s okay. Laughing together and communicating through the initial awkwardness can be a bonding experience in itself.
Insecurity about Size. Frame the toy not as a comparison, but as a different sensation. The consistent size and stamina of a toy are features, not a competition.
Conclusion
For couples, a realistic dildo is far more than a sex toy; it’s a catalyst for communication, a tool for exploration, and a pathway to deeper intimacy. By choosing together, communicating openly, and focusing on shared pleasure, you can transform a simple object into a powerful symbol of your trust and adventurous spirit as a couple.